Mario and the Ancient Mummy
by Blue-Boo
Summary: (Why wouldn't Fanfiction.net upload this preciously? iwranw) Mario discovers a stone tablet which leads him to an ancient mummy! Will he put it to rest or cause all hell to break lose? Probably the latter.


Oh dear, I'm out of stories to post. Uhh... I'll... make another... sometime. Meep...

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Mario and the Ancient Mummy  
  
Once apon a time, there was a land called Desert Land. Once apon another time, there was an ancient pyramid in it. Once apon another time slightly later than the previous time but much later than the time before but still many years before our time, it contained an ancient mummy. Once apon another time five years before five years from now, there was a fat plumber who was a complete imbocile.  
  
Mario: Luigi, is this where we keep the hamburgers?  
  
Luigi walks out of the basement drenched in soaked water to see his dimwitted sibling dismantling the microwave.  
  
Luigi: No, Mario... that's NOT where we keep the hamburgers. We don't even have hamburgers!  
  
Mario: Yeah, but where are they?  
  
Luigi: ...umm... Mario, are you going to help me fix the plumbing or not?  
  
Mario: Nope!  
  
Mario crosses his arms and gets a stuck up face.  
  
Luigi: But... the hamburgers are downstairs.  
  
Mario: HAMBURGERS!!!!  
  
Mario immediately dashes for the basement, knocking his brother down with him. They bounce down step after step, until Luigi finally lands on the hard, yet wet surface of the basement with Mario on top of him.  
  
Luigi: Ow, my sternum...  
  
Mario: I want hamburgers!  
  
Luigi: You have to... fix the pipe... first...  
  
Mario: Okie dokie!  
  
Mario steps off of Luigi, who stands and gasps for air, and walks over to the leaking pipe. He looks at it quizically, pokes it, then begins gnawing on it.  
  
Luigi: Mario, could you PLEASE fix the pipe for real-a this time?  
  
Mario: nibble nibble nibble  
  
Luigi: Why do I even-a bother?  
  
Luigi walks up to the pipe, twists it a few times, and gets a huge blast of water in his face. The basement now resembles Water Land. Luigi swims for the surface gasping for air as the water level continues to rise. Mario, however, stands there gnawing on the pipe as though completely unaffected by the surrounding flood. Eventually, Luigi comes down with a frog suit and jams himself in the pipe, which somehow drains all of the water. Mario has also gnawed 2 inches off of it.  
  
Luigi: Mario, look what you've-a done!  
  
Mario wasn't listening however, as he was investigating the wonders of a wooden pillar. It stands so tall, and yet seems so simple. It's the key thing supporting the entire house. So naturally, Mario destroys it and the house comes crashing to the ground in a mass of destruction.  
  
Mario: Mama-mia! I found a biscuit!  
  
Mario starts flying. Luigi stares at his brother and watches him stop flying and create a large hole in the ground.  
  
Luigi: How did you just do that? oO  
  
Mario: Do what now?  
  
Luigi: Ugh... hey, what's-a that?  
  
Luigi points out a strange stone tablet lying on the ground next to Mario. Mario picks it up and throws it into the horizon.  
  
Mario: Bye-bye!  
  
Luigi: Umm... Ya know, we could've sold it to a museum for money to-a buy a new house...  
  
Mario: Really?  
  
Luigi: ...yes...  
  
Mario: Really?  
  
Luigi: Yes!  
  
Mario: Really?  
  
Luigi: Mario!  
  
Mario: What?  
  
Luigi: You did this in the last scribble!  
  
Mario: Hey, where'd the rock go?  
  
Luigi: You threw it over the horizon.  
  
Mario: I WANT IT!!!  
  
Luigi: ...  
  
Mario runs at a miraculous speed into the distant background. He runs through desert, mountain, tundra, forest, and ocean, then ends up back at his house.  
  
Mario: Welcome!  
  
Luigi is in carpenter clothes and trying to rebuild their house.  
  
Luigi: Umm... where did you go?  
  
Mario angrily removes some boards from the bottom of the house's new framework. All of Luigi's hard work comes crashing down in yet another mass of destruction. Mario then runs off to the area where the stone tablet was thrown.  
  
Luigi: Somebody... please... tell me... what's wrong... with... my... brother...  
  
Toad: He's a (#ing idiot!  
  
Luigi: Where'd you come from?  
  
Toad: Plot hole?  
  
Meanwhile, Mario has run all the way to the middle of Desert Land. Somehow, he found the stone tablet lying on the ground next to a big freakin monument thing.  
  
Mario: Hey, a rock!  
  
Mario begins gnawing on the tablet. The monument begins glowing bright green, then opens up to reveal a mummy.  
  
Mummy: I... am... free!  
  
Mario: Hello?  
  
Mummy: Greetings!  
  
Mario: You have the wrong number, bye!  
  
Mario hangs up the stone tablet. The mummy looks at him quizically.  
  
Mummy: ...and you are?  
  
Mario: I'm Timothy Corn! You're Fazzle!  
  
Mummy: I am not Fazzle.  
  
Mario: Yes, you're Fazzle.  
  
Mummy: No, I'm Lord Tutanrhamen VIII, and I have been awakened from a 5,000 year slumber.  
  
Mario: Fazzle?  
  
Mummy: Not Fazzle.  
  
Mario: Fazzle!  
  
Mummy: Timothy! Pay attention! I must be put to rest, and the only way to do that is to bring me to the giant golden idol in the middle of the Great Temple!  
  
Mario: Hey, a thing!  
  
Mario points to a cactus.  
  
Mummy: ...so?  
  
Mario: Thing!  
  
Mummy: It's a cactus...  
  
Mario: It's... it's... a thing!  
  
Mario goes up to the cactus.  
  
Mummy: There's little time, Timothy! We must enter the temple!  
  
Mario comes back to Fazzle... erm... the mummy holding the cactus, which he ripped out from the ground.  
  
Mummy: ...oookay...  
  
Mario: I found a thing!  
  
Mummy: My lord, the world has fallen to such low levels since 5,000 years...  
  
Mario: Hey! A rock!  
  
Mario begins gnawing on the stone tablet again.  
  
Mummy: Mario, do you not get it? We must put me to rest!  
  
Mario: I want to go in the place too...  
  
Mummy: What?  
  
Mario goes into the temple.  
  
Mummy: Finally...  
  
The door to the temple slams shut.  
  
Mummy: Timothy! You fool!  
  
But inside, Mario is standing next to a lever which operates the door. He claps his hands and laughs, then pulls it once again.  
  
Mummy: All is lost...  
  
The door opens.  
  
Mummy: Or not!  
  
The mummy dashes toward the door. Just as he's about to enter, it closes and he slams into the temple.  
  
Mummy: Okay, that hurt...  
  
Mario: Fun!  
  
Mario pulls the lever and the door opens again. The mummy crawls inside, but when he's halfway in, Mario pulls the lever again.  
  
CRUSH!  
  
Mummy: Ow! Dangit, Timothy! We don't have time for such tomfoolery!  
  
The mummy's upper half pulls the lever and the door opens. The lower half of him walks in and rejoins it's other half.  
  
Mummy: We must proceed with caution, for the way is riddled with traps and... Timothy?  
  
Mario is already running down the hallway.  
  
Mummy: Wait up!  
  
The mummy takes the same path. Mario comes to a large pit full of snakes. The mummy comes back behind him stuffed full of arrows.  
  
Mummy: Okay... this is the snake pit. Now there's an invisible walkway here, and if we find it, we should make it safely across.  
  
Mario was already on the other side.  
  
Mummy: Hey! Okay, let's see... pathway should be... here?  
  
The pathway wasn't there.  
  
Mummy: Augh! Ow! No, get off! Curse you! Aaah!  
  
Mario begins to poke his nose, while the mummy screams in pain and agony as the poisonous snakes deal with him. In a few minutes, he comes crawling up the pit full of snake bites.  
  
Mummy: Shall... we... continue?  
  
Mario runs down the next hallway. The mummy stumbles behind him, going deeper and deeper into the cursed temple. Eventually, they wind up in front of a sacred chamber guarded by a giant statue.  
  
Mummy: This is it... that altar... I must be put to rest.  
  
Mario: I think that you're cheating.  
  
Mummy: ...what?  
  
Mario: YOU'RE USING GAMESHARK!!!  
  
Mummy: What are you talking about?  
  
Mario: YOU CHEATER!!!  
  
Mario throws stuff at the giant golden statue, which comes to life.  
  
Statue: Who dares to awaken me?!  
  
Mario: Fazzle's cheating!  
  
The statue pummels the mummy to a pulp, then causes the temple to begin collapsing.  
  
Mummy: Timothy! Hurry! I must be put to rest!  
  
The mummy goes up to the altar, but is interrupted when Mario beats him down with his cactus.  
  
Mummy: Ow! Please! No! Augh! Stop!  
  
Mario: It's-a me! Mario!  
  
The temple caves in and explodes, which buries the mummy in eternal waste. Mario, however, managed to somehow climb on top of the statue, control it, and survive the destruction.  
  
Mario: Hey! A rock!  
  
Mario begins gnawing on the statue, then begins to walk home. Meanwhile, Luigi has just finished building the house.  
  
Luigi: Well-a Toad, it was hard work, but we did it...  
  
Toad: I say we deserve a break...  
  
Just then, Mario knocks down some trees with a giant golden statue and demolishes the house with it.  
  
Luigi: ...  
  
Toad: What the (# was that for you #($%&?!?!?!  
  
Mario: I was hungry...  
  
The golden statue falls over and crushes Toad and Luigi.  
  
Toad: ...Mario... I hate you...  
  
Mario: Hamburger?  
  
Mario offers them his cactus. Toad and Luigi both cry as the screen fades out.  
  
The End


End file.
